


I'm Not The Only One

by sharedwithyou



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor (Movies), Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angstangstangst, But Actually Good Angst, But Loki Does What He Wants, F/M, It's Only Shitty Because Everyon'es Sad, Loki Needs a Hug, Shitty Angst, So Loki Doesn't Get a Hug, WHY WON'T I LET MY LOVELIES BE HAPPY, no fluff just angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-28
Updated: 2015-04-28
Packaged: 2018-03-26 04:32:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3837226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sharedwithyou/pseuds/sharedwithyou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by Sam Smith's I'm Not The Only One</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry I’ve been gone so much lately, love.” He didn’t offer more of an explanation, and you never asked. Normally he would’ve noticed by now, but there were things clouding his vision right now. </p><p>Guilt, mostly.</p><p>“You worry too much, my dear.” He was convinced your concern for his well-being was what kept you awake those long nights. That you couldn’t sleep without his warmth, his loving presence beside you. The thing is, you didn’t sleep at all anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Not The Only One

**Author's Note:**

> ANGSTANGSTANGST  
> THIS IS SAD  
> THIS IS FEELS  
> I DONT KNOW WHY I'M SO MEAN TO LOKI. OR MY LOVELIES. MOSTLY MY LOVELIES. I'M BIASED AGAINST LOKI AS MUCH AS I LOVE HIM. BUT YOU GUYS, THIS IS MEAN TO YOU. I'M SORRY. BUT I'M NOT. BECAUSE THIS IS A GOOD FIC.
> 
> enjoy! or as much as you can enjoy a good sad story. here's a tissue *blows nose*
> 
> experience may be greatly enhanced/enjoyed while listening to this lovely song
> 
> does that last line sound dirty to you? or is it just me?

 

“Kiss me again.”

 

“My you’re a bossy one, aren’t you.” Loki teased, but pressed his lips against yours with a smile. “You missed me, didn’t you.”

 

“Maybe.” You have no idea.

 

“I’m sorry I’ve been gone so much lately, love.” He didn’t offer more of an explanation, and you never asked. Normally he would’ve noticed by now, but there were things clouding his vision right now.

Guilt, mostly.

 

“Come to bed with me.” It was too easy. You shook your head lightly as he tilted his towards you. “I’m not tired.”

 

“How is that even possible?” He was slightly worried now, for a different reason than he should have. “You’ve waited up for me this late.”

 

“I fell asleep in the afternoon again.” He clucked his tongue at you. “You know naps don’t do your sleep schedule any good, (y/n).”

 

“Couldn’t help it.” He frowned slightly, feeling the guilt seep into his nerves. He’d found you awake in the early hours every time he’d come home late these past few weeks. He urged you to rest, but you were stubborn as always. You supposed that’s what had drawn him to you in the beginning.

 

“You worry too much, my dear.” He was convinced your concern for his well-being was what kept you awake those long nights. That you couldn’t sleep without his warmth, his loving presence beside you. The thing is, you didn’t sleep at all anymore.

 

“I know what might tire you out.” He smirked suggestively, and you smiled back, but you made no move from the ironically named lover’s seat across the room and he didn’t push it further. Even he was none so bold. He had a heart, in the end. It was a running joke around the castle that you were the one who had found it, at last. And perhaps that was true; but pieces of it had been missing lately. Maybe they hadn’t ever been there; and the two of you had been two blind to see it. Too naïve to miss it. Too in love to realize it.

 

They say some people aren’t cut out to be parents. Maybe some people aren’t cut out to be in a relationship either. Is it in our human nature to resist monogamy? Are we naturally motivated to find others, to maximize what’s been given to us, or what others will give? Are we genetically disadvantaged to sacrifice, to compromise, for the sake of another’s happiness? Are we born selfish?

 

 

Or do we choose to be?

 

 

He climbed out of bed now, to join you on the plush cushions. He sank back easily, drawing you in like it was so easy. You rested your cheek on his chest and heard the lulling of his heart. Beating. There it was; the proof in the pudding. The man who at the very least knew better than to beg his wife for a fuck when he was already fucking someone else, had a heart. And it tore your own to hear each hum, each thump. How it quickened when he pulled you closer, when he whispered sweet nothings into your ear, and how it slowed to a peaceful slumber, against you.

 

He didn’t deserve to feel that peace that escaped you now.

 

 

You eased away slightly, only to have him pull you tighter in his embrace. You heard that drastic changes in sleep patterns happened in dire situations. There was a man who always slept on his left side, who one night found himself facing his right; the last night that he was spending with his mistress, as she told him she would be leaving her married lover the next day.

 

Just a story, perhaps for a scientific study on dreams. Anecdotal evidence, at best. And yet, you wondered; did she end up going? Did she stay gone?

 

Was it big changes like these, that brought out the change buried in our subconscious?

 

Did the man end up leaving his wife?

 

 

You pressed a sweet, lingering kiss against his forehead. He relaxed, in dreamland, and loosened his grip. Quick as a rabbit, you slipped away, to the closet where you had stashed a bag filled with your essentials. You could probably send for the rest of your things later, but it really didn’t matter at the moment.

 

You really didn’t give a shit about anything beyond getting rid of this asshole you called a husband.

 

 

People don’t really change, right? You hear of so many people, meaning well, doing their best to right their wrongs, to break their chains. Those same people always end up straying again; slaves to their whims and flashes of desire. Then there are a few stand-out cases that make a 180 degree turn and become a whole new man or woman.

 

Therein lies the fallacy. Which is it? Are we as a people incapable of change? Or do we choose not to? Or is there an exception to a rule? And if so, which one?

 

Because you knew, out of the people who continued to make their same mistakes, at least some were earnest, were honest, had done their best and truly wanted to be different. We aren’t a perfect species, after all.

 

How then, is it possible for a select few to beyond that; to be able to change completely without so much as a slip-up, a quickie, a one-off that never happened again after that?

 

Do cheaters always cheat? Or are there a few select individuals who find it within themselves to defy whatever it is that makes them infidels. And if so, does that make the rest of us weak?

 

Where does the physical ability and emotional capacity of an individual meet strength of will? Is there a triple point that can graph the rise and fall of a love like yours?

 

 

You have a theory. That the select few who change, who challenge the stereotype, who defeat the demons; they are the ones who had it in them all along. Perhaps because of the way they were raised, or the circumstances they put themselves in. They had picked up some unsavory characteristics. But to push them away once and for all, which is quite a considerable feat; requires that something golden within; deep inside, buried and tarnished, but not gone.

 

The rest? The ones that don’t change, despite good or so-so- efforts; didn’t lose it along the way.

 

 

They just never had it to begin with.

 

 

You, for example. You didn’t find yourself to be someone who ran away from mistakes. And here you were, about to disappear into the night without a word. You would stay, and fight, and give it another shot, or another three, or at least throw another shot or five; you wouldn’t take this lying down, or standing up for that matter. You couldn’t have imagined yourself ever doing what you were about to do. So you guessed you always had it in you, after all.

 

 

To take the good, and leave the bad. To learn the dignity of walking away.

 

 

You had thousands of confrontations and accusations lined up in your head, at the edge of your lips. The same lips that met his again and again. And oh you had all the right to let all hell break loose. You had a list of things to break, of insults to hurl, of old wounds to open and pour the heck of salt into. And maybe in the end, he didn’t deserve to hear it to his face; since he hadn’t the decency to let you in on his indiscretions. But that’s not why you chose not to go that way.

 

For oh, you loved him. You loved him, you loved him, you loved him.

 

 

You loved him.

 

 

And nothing could change that. As you eased the overstuffed bag over your shoulder and whispered the words in his ear, you knew you needed to let go of the anger within yourself before you did the same with his.

 

 

Once you forgave yourself for not hating him, you could forgive him for not loving you. Or not loving you right.

 

 

And as you walked out the door, with thoughts of that first time you had jumped onto his back in a moment of pure ecstasy, and to your delight he hadn’t shoved you off, but instead swung you around until you were dizzy with delirium and laughter, you could already barely see her face in your mind.

**Author's Note:**

> WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
> 
> please leave a comment if you liked!
> 
> random ramblings:  
> this was mean. i don't know what it is about infidel Loki that appeals to me so much. actually nothing about it appeals to me. it just seems to easy to write him as such; like it fits his character. OBVIOUSLY I HAVE SOME UNRESOLVED FEELINGS FOR LOKI. mostly negative ones. even though i love him.  
> it's complicated guys.
> 
> The man who at the very least knew better than to beg his wife for a fuck when he was already fucking someone else, had a heart. - i almost left that sentence out (and only managed to fit it in in the context of that exact paragraph) due to my need for nuance. but in the end despite all the miserable musings i wanted it to be clear. that it wasn't okay. that the reason i said "at the very least he didn't push it" was because of that. because even worse than a cheating guy is a cheating guy still horny and wanting to put his contaminated dick into his wife. *fumes* okay i'm getting way too into the story. moving on :P
> 
> this whole piece was very musey. i hope you liked it. i'm very proud of it. beyond the lokiisabastardihateloki i wanted to look at the issue as a whole. it's something i take to heart. (if you can't tell ;) )
> 
> i don't know why everything i've written with loki has him being angsted against (either as a good character or bad). poor emo loki. hopefully i'll write him in as a good character who ACTUALLY GETS TO BE HAPPY sometime. i'll think on it :P
> 
> anyway i hope you guys enjoyed it. give me some love down below.
> 
> thats all this time lovelies xOXO
> 
>  
> 
> Where does the physical ability and emotional capacity of an individual meet strength of will? Is there a triple point that can graph the rise and fall of a love like yours?- gave me the hardest feels
> 
>  
> 
> quick poll that MATTERS MOST to me ;D :  
> which line gave you the hardest feels?
> 
> quick poll: do we choose to be selfish? or are we predisposed to be that way?
> 
> quick poll that's actually fun: would you rather do it in the bed or on the lover's seat ;)
> 
> now would you rather do it WITH LOKI (specifically) in the bed or in the lover's seat *wink wink nudge nudge*
> 
> quick poll that's way too serious: would you stay and fight or leave him alone in the night? (remember that you love him. and that he loves you.) (REMEMBER HE LOVES YOU PHARM.)


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